i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
