You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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