i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
