i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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