i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Dignity is for republicans.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
i think i just naturally attract stoners
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
