Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
