I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
