If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
