Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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