how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
