i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I am naked and annoyed.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Randomize
