at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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