he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Randomize
