Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
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