Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Alive.
So much puke
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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