Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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