i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
