His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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