Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
