I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
