If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
We need to feng shui this bitch.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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