Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
the condom got lost in my hair
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
