i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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