Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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