Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
