Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
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