I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
