She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
