I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
