Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
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