Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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