So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
