Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
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