I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
