I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
there's paper in my vomit.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Randomize
