I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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