Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I have already put on my inside pants.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
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