3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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