i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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