My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
me + whiskey = a bad person
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
