seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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