No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Randomize
