i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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