well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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