When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
