Little spoons don't ask big questions
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
