It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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