Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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