You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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