1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
