smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
