you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
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