I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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