Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
