If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
