I could have mohawked her pubes.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
